SPOV
Eric was still sleeping the next afternoon when I woke up, and I let him be. I was sure he was going to be feeling his hangover a lot more than I was mine, so I went to take some aspirin and got in the shower. The hot water felt really good on my skin, and I did my best to let it wash away my shitty mood, but it didn’t totally work.
I can’t even describe what I felt when Eric told me to get out the night before. I thought for sure he was breaking up with me. And then it didn’t help that my first instinct was to go to Amelia. I felt ashamed of myself for fighting with Eric when I should have been embracing him and our relationship. Life was too short for this shit.
Still, I couldn’t help but feel like we’d almost broken up. And it wasn’t really even about him having had a threesome, though that did bother me. We had to deal with his sort-of lie first. But on top of all of that, we needed to get over our hangovers.
When I got out of the shower, Eric was still sleeping, so I got dressed and wrote him a note.
Going out to get greasy hangover food. I’ll be back by one.
I left the note on the fridge and hoped he would see it. I left and went to the closest fast food place we had, which was a Wendy’s, and bought us both the greasiest burger they had, and frostys for fry dipping. It was perfect hangover food.
I got back to the apartment a bit after one, and was immediately met with Eric hugging the breath out of me.
“I thought you left,” he said as he squeezed me.
“I did, to get food,” I said, and held up the bags in my hands.
“No, I meant for good,” he breathed a sigh of relief as he let me go.
“What?” I looked up at him. He looked genuinely relieved. “Why would you think I’d leave you?”
“Because the last thing I remember is you telling me you were going to Amelia’s last night after I… I didn’t mean what I said,” he dropped onto the couch. “I don’t know what I was thinking.”
“I know, sweetie,” I said, and went to put the frosty’s in the freezer before joining him. “I stayed here last night. You spooned me.”
He sat back and rested his head on the back of the couch. Eric rubbed his eyes and said, “I’m pretty sure I threw up at some point, too. I didn’t get you, did I?”
“I was vomit free when I woke up, so I don’t think so,” I said.
“Thank God,” he said, again sounding seriously relieved.
“Are you hungry?”
“Starving,” he rolled his head toward me. “How are you feeling? You look ridiculously beautiful if you’re hung over.”
“Thank you, but stop that,” I said, and got up to get the bag of food.
“Stop what?”
“Flattering me. We’re on time out.”
“So I can’t call you beautiful?”
“You can think it, but not say it. You’re too tempting when you’re being sweet.”
“So then I guess I’m also not allowed to tell you how hot your ass looks in those shorts?”
“I’m serious, stop it. We have to talk still, and I’m not doing that until this damn headache is gone.”
He chuckled and said, “I’ll try to keep a lid on it.”
“Here,” I said, and handed him one of the burgers.
“Thank you,” he smiled up at me.
“You’re welcome.”
“How long have you been up?” he asked as he unwrapped his burger.
“Not long. I took a shower and then went to get food. I left you a note on the fridge.”
“You did?” he looked surprised. “I didn’t even see it when I went in there for water, but then I don’t think I had my eyes open the whole time. I kind of stumbled around until I got the blinds closed. Sunlight is definitely my enemy.”
“I wore sunglasses to get the food,” I said.
“Smart and beautiful,” he said and when I glared at him while trying to fight a smile he added, “Sorry. Well, not really, but you know…”
“Just eat.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“There’s a frosty in the freezer for you to dip your fries in.”
“You’re awesome,” he said after swallowing his mouthful of food.
I stayed quiet and started in on my burger. It was good, but I wasn’t able to fully enjoy it because of the fight I was sure Eric and I were about to have. When he was finished Eric took his trash to the kitchen and came back with his frosty and a bottle of water.
“How’s your head feeling?” he asked after a few more minutes of quiet.
“Better,” I said.
“Good,” he said, and held out the bottle of water. “This is for you, by the way.”
“Thanks,” I said, and took it from him.
“Did you sleep okay last night?”
“Yeah.”
“You didn’t get sick, did you?”
“No, I didn’t.”
“That’s good,” he sat back again, getting comfortable.
“How did you sleep?”
“I don’t know,” he said. “I woke up feeling like I slept with cotton balls in my throat, which is partially what makes me think I got sick. I have no idea what time I finally passed out, but I feel like I didn’t sleep at all.”
“Maybe we should go back to sleep after we eat,” I suggested.
“Maybe.”
I sighed, and laid my head back. “I think I’m just avoiding.”
“Why are you avoiding?”
“Because I’m afraid we’re going to have this talk and end up fighting again.”
“That’s entirely possible,” he said. “But isn’t it better to just get it all out in the open so we can get past it? I don’t want to have to come back to this in six months because you’ve bottled it up, or aren’t really over it.”
“Then let’s talk about it.”
“Why don’t we start with you telling me what you want to know,” he suggested.
“I don’t know what I want to know. I guess maybe you could explain the situation to me.”
“It was with the woman I was seeing in college and another girl. It was a one time deal and it actually ended up causing some problems for us so we never did it again. I don’t really think about it all that much because it didn’t end up being that great of an experience for me,” Eric explained. “It’s just something that got crossed off the list. I have no interest in repeating it, especially not with someone like you.”
“Why didn’t you like it?”
“Honestly? Because I ended up feeling like a third wheel. It was weird,” he shrugged. “I don’t know what I expected, but it wasn’t how it turned out, that’s for sure.”
“But was it like that because of who it was with?”
“You mean the other girl?”
“Or both of them.”
“I’m not sure,” he said. “They just seemed to get way more into each other. It got boring for me after a while, believe it or not.”
“Is that why you forgot?”
“Maybe,” he shrugged. “I just don’t think about it very much. There’s nothing from that night on the highlight reel, you know?”
“I’m sorry I got so upset about it,” I said. “It was just that when you opened up to me about it I thought it was a big deal, and then to find out that there was a whole other person you omitted, on purpose or not, it’s just kind of upsetting.”
“I’m sorry that happened,” he said. “It wasn’t intentional, and I swear there are no more random vaginas in my closet.”
“Why wouldn’t you want to have a threesome with me?”
“You said last night that you wouldn’t want to,” he shrugged again. “And honestly, I couldn’t picture you doing it anyway.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“Just that I can’t imagine you in a group situation. It’s not an insult, Sookie.”
“It feels like one,” I said.
“Are you trying to pick a fight with me?” he asked, arching an eyebrow. “If you have something to say, just spit it out. Don’t get passive-aggressive with me.”
“I’m not trying to be passive-aggressive, or picking a fight.”
“I’m calling bullshit,” he said. “I apologized for my fuck up last night and now you’re insulted because I can’t imagine you having a threesome.”
I took a deep breath, and tried to figure out how to explain what I was feeling. It was then that I realized how ridiculous those feelings were. Wasn’t it a good thing that he couldn’t imagine me having a threesome and didn’t want to have one with me? I definitely didn’t want to try it in the first place.
“I know it’s stupid, but I guess just knowing that you’ve done it makes me feel a little inexperienced and insecure, especially when you say you can’t see me doing it.”
“Sook, you should never put yourself in a situation that you’re not comfortable with, and this is something you’re not comfortable with. I did it because I was curious about what it would be like, and now I know. It’s not something I want to do again, and it’s okay that you don’t. I don’t see you doing it because you’ve said that you don’t want it. If you’re feeling insecure about that, there isn’t really anything I can do about it. You have to figure out why you feel that way,” he said.
“So what if I’d said that I did want to try it? Would you have still not been interested because you couldn’t see me doing it, or maybe because you didn’t like it?” I asked.
He sighed and rubbed his temples a little bit before he asked, “What difference does it make? It’s not happening either way so why does it matter?”
“Because I’m trying to figure out if you can’t picture me having one because I’d already said I didn’t want to, or if there’s just something wrong with me.”
“Oh my God there is nothing wrong with you!” Eric yelled and then grabbed his head. “Sookie, you are making way too big of a deal about this. I remember you telling me last night that you didn’t want to be with another woman and I told you then that I was fine with it. So not wanting to do the threesome thing again has nothing to do with you, Sookie.”
“Ugh, what is wrong with me?” I said and put my head in my hands. “I know this isn’t a big deal, but I can’t stop pushing it.”
“I’m too hungover to have this conversation with you right now,” he grumbled, and covered his eyes with his arm.
“Maybe I should go,” I suggested after a few minutes of tense silence.
“That might be a good idea,” he said. “We’re both hungover and we’re not getting anywhere, and I don’t want to get in another stupid fight with you.”
“I don’t either,” I said, and stood up. “I’ll… I guess I’ll call you?”
“Yeah,” he said, and moved his arm away from his face and added, “Still love you.”
“I still love you too,” I said, and tried not to cry. “I’m just going to grab a few things and I’ll go.”
“Okay.”
I headed back to the bedroom and grabbed a duffel bag and started filling it with a couple sets of clothes and my bathroom stuff. I’d mostly moved into Eric’s apartment, but there were still a few things at my place since my lease wasn’t up yet. Once I had all the essentials, I went back out to the living room and set the bag down.
“I’m going now,” I told Eric, who had his arm over his eyes again.
He moved his arm away from his eyes and said, “Okay. Call me when you’re ready to talk.”
“Okay,” I said, and picked up the bag again. At the time I was a little hurt that he didn’t seem to want to hug or kiss me goodbye, but looking back on it, I was sure that it was probably best that he didn’t.
I grabbed my purse and keys on the way out, and quietly left.
oOoOoOo
It took me two days to work up the courage to call Eric. After getting over my hangover and sleeping on it, I realized how much of an immature child I was being. It honestly scared me that I would act like that, because really? Why would he stay with someone who treated him like I had?
“Hey,” he said. “How are you?”
“Shitty, how are you?”
“Same,” he said. He sounded exhausted. “So did you figure out why you’re so hung up on this threesome thing?”
“Yeah,” I said. “And it’s completely stupid because there was no reason at all.”
“Look, I get that it’s usually a guy thing to want to see your girl with another girl, but I’ve done it. For me it wasn’t that great of an experience, and since you’re not into it I don’t see a reason to try and convince you to change your mind,” Eric explained. “And I can’t figure out why you would be insulted by that.”
“Because at the risk of quoting awesome songs, I want you to want me.”
“I do want you. Wasn’t that clear before the threesome talk even started? Because if it wasn’t, I’d say that’s a much bigger problem,” he said.
“It was clear. I just mean that I want… you know what? It doesn’t matter anymore. I don’t even want you to picture it if it repulses you.”
“I never said that,” he sighed.
“It doesn’t repulse you?”
“No, it doesn’t repulse me. I just find it difficult to think of it as being sexy when you’ve made it clear it doesn’t turn you on,” he said. “Sook, when I close my eyes and think of you, there are no upgrades, no changes. I see you just the way you are all the time. I don’t see a reason to improve you. I love you the way you are.”
“So when you picture me in your head, it’s not some version of me who does things you want, it’s just me?”
“I don’t turn you into a pornstar, no,” he said. “Like I already told you, I’m happy with our sex life, and I know if I want to try something different with you all I have to do is tell you about it. You might say no, or might not be interested in it, but I can talk to you about it.”
The relief I felt when he told me all of that only served to reassure me that it was never about the threesome to begin with. It was me and my own insecurities that were psyching me out. And I’d done something awful when I pushed those off on him and possibly made him feel bad about something he’d done in the past.
“I’m so sorry,” I said.
There was a pause and then he said, “I forgive you.”
“Are you sure you want to do that?” I asked. The tears had started already.
“Why do you always try to talk me out of good things, Sookie?” he asked with a hint of humor in his voice.
“I don’t know,” I cried. “I don’t know why on earth you’d choose to keep putting up with me when I say such awful things to you.”
“Because I love you,” he said simply. “And you don’t just give up when it gets hard.”
“Then thank you for loving me enough to try.”
“Do I get to see you later?” he asked.
“I was just about to head over to Amelia’s if you want to meet me there,” I said.
“I wish I could,” he sighed. “I’m stuck at the office.”
“Okay, what about after work? Should I come home?”
“Only if you want to. Otherwise I can meet you somewhere,” he offered.
“I want to come home, Eric. I miss you.”
“I miss you too,” he said. “Then come home. We’ll talk more later.”
“I love you,” I said.
“Love you too. See you later,” he said, and then hung up.
I stuffed my phone in my purse, slipped my shoes on, and headed over to Amelia’s apartment. I hadn’t been in it since she died, and I knew it was going to be hard, but I had to get it over with eventually.
When I got there, I found a giant blonde man leaning on her door and smiled.
“What are you doing here?” I asked.
“I decided I couldn’t wait until tonight to see you,” he said, and then pulled me into a kiss that I had been wanting for days.
“I needed that like you wouldn’t believe,” I sighed happily when the kiss ended.
“Me too,” he nodded, and then leaned forward to kiss my forehead. “I’ll let you get inside so you can do what you came here to do.”
“You’re not coming in with me?”
“If I go in there with you there’s a distinct chance you’ll be naked within five minutes,” he warned me.
“Why?”
He lifted an eyebrow and said, “Make up sex. I’ve been thinking about fucking you up against a wall all day.”
“Well that sounds like a lot of fun, but we’re not doing it in Amelia’s apartment. I’m going to be a snotsobbing mess in under a minute.”
“You’ll be fine,” he pulled me into a hug. “If you want me to stay, I’ll stay, but if you would rather do this on your own I understand.”
“I think I’m going to need you,” I said.
“Then I’ll stay.”
I took his hand, and we went into Amelia’s apartment together. I was right. Within a minute I was crying. It looked so lived in, like she was about to come out of the bedroom and hug me. Nothing had changed, except that she wasn’t there anymore.
There were a few things I needed to take care of immediately, like cleaning out her fridge, but mostly I just wanted to be there for a while. No matter how sad it was, it made me feel closer to her.
“What am I going to do with all her stuff?”
“I guess decide what you want to keep, what you can give away and the rest… I’m sure Tray and I can take care of it,” he offered.
“I want to do something good with it,” I said. “There’s not much I should keep, just a few personal things. I mean, this is a fully furnished apartment, there must be something good we can do with it.”
He thought for a moment and said, “You could talk to some charitable organizations and see if there’s a family that might want to move in here. You know, like if someone lost their house in a fire, or a mom who’s left an abusive husband or something… Or we could move in here together if it wouldn’t make you too sad.”
“No, I couldn’t do that. It would be too selfish of me. I can’t hold onto her forever. I think I’ll see about moving a family in here. It’s big enough. I could use a portion of the money to pay the rent for six months or a year depending on their situation. I think Amelia would be okay with that.”
“I think she would definitely approve of that,” Eric wrapped an arm around my shoulders and kissed my head.
“This is awful,” I said, and wrapped my arms around him.
“I know,” he hugged me back. “Just let me know what you want me to do.”
“I think today we should just clean out the fridge.”
“Sounds like a good plan,” he said, and let me go so we could walk into the kitchen.
“Thank you for coming in with me.”
“You’re welcome,” he said, and opened the fridge. There wasn’t much in it for us to clean out.
“She was always bad at grocery shopping,” I said.
“Well, in this instance it’s probably good that she didn’t have a fridge full of food,” he said and started pulling things out of the fridge to hand to me.
“Yeah, but it makes me wonder if she knew.”
“She did,” Eric said. “When she came to me to do that estate planning stuff, she told me she knew her time was running out.”
“Why didn’t she tell me?”
“Because she didn’t want you to start mourning her before she died,” he said gently.
“Was she scared?”
“She didn’t say, but I don’t think she was. She was having those dreams of her mother and I think it gave her some kind of comfort that she wouldn’t be alone after it happened, you know?”
“Yeah, I know. She said she knew her mom was going to be there for her.”
“I read the letter she wrote me,” Eric revealed. “I have to ask you something.”
“What?”
“So,” he smiled rather smugly. That was trouble. “When you married Jonathan Taylor Thomas, were you going to hyphenate your name, or just take his?”
“She told you?”
“She said you spazzed over me the same way you did over him when you were in junior high,” he grinned.
“I did not!”
“I’m just going by what she said in her letter,” he chuckled.
“Okay, I spazzed a little, but you were just so completely good looking, and everything I ever wanted in a guy. You can’t make fun of me for spazzing.”
“I wasn’t making fun,” he insisted, still chuckling. “I was asking you a legitimate question about your future plans. Making fun of you would have been asking if you wanted your wedding pictures printed in Teen Beat or Tiger Beat.”
“Teen Beat. And I was going to take his last name,” I smiled.
“Sookie Thomas…” he tried it out. “I don’t know if I like the sound of it.”
“It sounded perfect when I was fourteen,” I laughed. “I like the sound of other things now though.”
“Oh yeah?” he asked, and then handed me a bottle of champagne with a note stuck to it.
“What the heck?” I said, and pulled the note off to read it.
Save this for when Eric proposes.
Love, Ames
“She’s such a little shit,” I laughed, and handed Eric the note.
He scanned it and then laughed.
“She’s convinced I’m going to propose to you, huh?” he asked and handed the note back.
“Apparently so,” I smiled. “She’s pressuring you from beyond the grave. It’s kind of impressive.”
“That’s Amelia,” he sighed, and then added, “That was the last thing in the fridge.”
“Should we do the freezer too?” I asked.
“Might as well. I should probably check for the top tier of a wedding cake in here,” he joked as he opened the freezer portion of the fridge.
“What else did she tell you in that letter?”
“That you were lucky you called dibs on me,” he said with another smug smile on his face.
“True,” I chuckled. “She would have hit it and quit it.”
“That’s what she said,” Eric said, and handed me a couple of bags of frozen vegetables. “She also said that she was jealous of what we have.”
I frowned. “She had it with Tray though.”
“She didn’t think so,” Eric told me. “She said there was potential, but she knew her time was running out so they were never going to find out for sure where it could go. She asked me to check in on Tray sometimes too since you’re too much of a girl.”
“They would have been great,” I said. “I know it. And I’m glad she asked you to check in on Tray. I’m worried about him.”
“I saw him last night. I think he’s doing about as well as can be expected,” Eric said, and pulled out a frozen pizza.
“Should we keep all this?”
“It would be a waste to throw it all out,” he shrugged. “But it’s up to you.”
“We’ll keep it,” I said. “You know, maybe we should talk about how we feel about marriage.”
“Okay,” he said, and closed the freezer. “Let’s talk about it.”
“Is marriage something you want in the future?” I asked, and hopped up on the counter.
“Yeah, it is. How about you?”
“It is.”
“Well that was quick,” he smiled.
“There’s more,” I laughed.
“Okay. What else do you want to know?”
“When we had the pregnancy scare, we both agreed that marriage wasn’t on the table,” I said. “Would that be different for you now?”
“You mean if we got pregnant again?”
“Yeah. And I don’t mean that if we got pregnant we should get married as a fix-all ’cause it’s not.”
“I think it’s something we could seriously talk about,” he said. “But the first words out of my mouth wouldn’t be a proposal. I mean, you’d probably have to get me conscious again first.”
“You didn’t faint last time,” I said, raising an eyebrow at him.
“Well no, but last time we knew there was the possibility because of the broken condom, but it would be different now,” he said.
“That’s true. Just so you know, I’d say no if the first words out of your mouth were a proposal.”
“I think we’re still not ready for either of those things though,” Eric said, and came over to stand between my knees. “I love you and I love being with you, but obviously we still have things to work on.”
“I agree. I think we need to focus on living together harmoniously first. I guess I just wanted to know if you ever see yourself marrying me someday.”
“Yes, I do,” he revealed.
“Yeah?” I smiled. “I do too.”
“I think if we could quit being so damn stubborn sometimes it would make things better,” he said. “But I don’t mind the making up part of fighting with you.”
“I don’t mind it either, but I wish the fighting part didn’t happen so often. Do you think we’re really going to last?”
“I don’t think we fight that often,” he said. “And I think you can do anything that you put your mind to, so as long as we want to be together I think we can find a way to make it work.”
“I want to be with you,” I said, and wrapped my arms around his neck. “Sometimes I get scared that one day you’ll think I’m not worth fighting for, and I know that’s ridiculous, but it really scares me. I think it’s more about me being afraid of losing you.”
“I’m not going anywhere, Sookie. I know I said some really stupid shit when we were fighting the other night, but that… I don’t know where that came from. I was angry at the time, but I shouldn’t have said it,” he told me.
“I thought you were breaking up with me,” I admitted.
“I don’t know what I was thinking,” he sighed. “But I promise, I wasn’t thinking about breaking up with you.”
“Good, because that feeling sucked.”
“I’m sorry I did that,” he said sincerely.
“I know you are, and I know you didn’t mean it,” I said, and kissed him gently. “You proved that when you almost immediately asked me not to go.”
“I don’t like the idea of not having you in my life anymore,” he said.
“I don’t like it either,” I said. “And I think I owe you a bigger apology than you owe me. I was pushing my insecurities off on you, and that was so completely unfair to you.”
“It was,” he agreed. “I felt like I shared something with you, which is what you asked me for, and you threw it back in my face. But I shouldn’t have told you to get out.”
“If you had done the same thing to me, I would have probably done worse.”
“I can be honest with you, Sookie, but you have to be willing to deal with it, and sometimes I’m going to say things that you don’t like, or don’t want to hear. You can’t have it both ways, I’m afraid.”
“I know,” I said. “I’m just saying that I think you were justified in telling me to get out. It was the slap in the face I needed.”
“I don’t want it to come to that again,” he said.
“I don’t either.”
He pulled me a little closer to the edge of the counter before he kissed me.
“Eric,” I whispered when his kiss moved to my neck.
“Hmmm…” he said without moving away from my neck.
“We’re not banging in Amelia’s apartment.”
“Okay,” he said, but kept at it.
“Eric, I’m serious,” I said, but even I could hear the breathiness in my voice.
He moved back to my lips and kissed me one more time before he pulled away.
“Let’s get back to work,” he said.
“Nope, we’re done,” I said, and hopped off the counter.
“I thought we were taking the stuff from the freezer with us? There’s more in there.”
“Then let’s get it and go. There’s make-up sex to be had.”
“Yes there is,” he agreed, and opened the freezer to hand me things.
I put all the food in the reusable grocery bags Amelia had, and then we headed back to our place. I felt better about being in Amelia’s apartment, and planned to go back after we got back from her burial in New Orleans.
Brainmates Fiction 