Chapter 1: Try

“Funny how the heart can be deceiving more than just a couple times. Why do we fall in love so easy even when it’s not right? Where there is desire there is gonna be a flame. Where there is a flame someone’s bound to get burned, but just because it burns doesn’t mean you’re gonna die. You’ve gotta get up and try, and try, and try.” –Pink

Åre, Sweden

Eric had quite a head start on Pam, but she tracked him by her blood. He was alive, relatively speaking, and that was what she cared about most. His turmoil was troubling and even though Pam knew she could do it all alone, she didn’t want to. All of her tantrums and arguments with Eric in the last few months had been about wanting to keep him close. He had taught her well but there was something about his presence that had always kept her steady.

From the very night they met way back in San Francisco while she was still human, Pam had felt a certain level of comfort when she was near Eric. She felt as though they understood each other. If she was the sentimental sort she might even go so far as to think they could be soul mates, but that wasn’t Pam’s style any more than it was her maker’s. So she flew as fast as she could in Eric’s direction, hoping to catch up with him before he did something foolish he couldn’t take back.

He had taught her everything she needed to know about how to be a good vampire. Pam was well aware that she would be nothing but rotted meat and bones by now if it wasn’t for Eric’s decision to turn her. He could have let her die that night in her room at the brothel, but he hadn’t. Above all, her maker chose life. He had saved lives more often than he took them—which isn’t to say he hadn’t been the source of carnage at some points, but killing had never been a sport for him the way it had been for some vampires.

At first Pam thought maybe Eric was heading for Ørland, but he continued to head east into Sweden. The mountains in Sweden were only minimally better than that windy shithole in Norway. Her hair was windblown enough, after all. She knew Eric would feel her approaching and she was prepared to brawl with him if she had to.

What she wasn’t expecting was to feel the sunscreen of Bill’s blood losing its effect. It happened quickly and Pam put all the speed she could into reaching Eric, hoping that wherever he was, he was indoors. Her instincts screamed at her to find shelter as her skin began to smolder but she wasn’t going to give up.

And then there he was, kneeling in the snow with smoke rising from his burning body. Without hesitating Pam aimed right for him and plunged them both into the snow, burying them underneath it until nightfall, or for longer if need be, while Eric recovered. They weren’t in the Arctic Circle so the sun would set, although not for very long. Just long enough to get him a donor would be good. Eric was in terrible shape when she reached him and Pam wasn’t doing too much better, but they had avoided the true death.

As soon as he was back to his full strength, she fully intended to kick his ass for doing this.

“You shouldn’t have come,” Eric somehow managed to rasp.

“Fuck you,” Pam replied. “We’ll talk about this after dark.”

No more words were spoken before both of them died for the day.

 

Bon Temps, Louisiana 6 Months Later

“Alcide, get the lead out! Your hair looks fine!” Sookie called from the entryway of the old farmhouse.

She slipped on her flip-flops and grabbed a denim jacket from the coat hooks by the front door to take along with her in case it got chilly outside.

“I wasn’t messing with my hair,” Alcide said as he came down the stairs.

“Uh huh,” Sookie said with a knowing smile. He had been fussing with it when she left him up there nearly fifteen minutes ago. “Don’t worry, honey, you look very pretty,” she teased.

“Thank you, darling,” he smiled and leaned down to kiss her.

“Alright, so one hour. We make an appearance, mingle a bit and have something to eat and then we’re out of there,” Sookie replayed the plan. Frankly, it was all a formality. She wasn’t interested in the idea of a vampire buddy system. That never seemed to work out too well for her in the past and she was positive this time would be no exception.

“Sounds good to me,” Alcide said, and offered her his arm.

Sookie grabbed her purse off the little table by the door, along with her keys, and then took Alcide’s arm as they walked out of the house. She turned around to lock the door and paused when she mentally felt the void of a vampire coming their way. Alcide sniffed the air and she heard him growl.

“Vampire,” she said quietly, although she was sure he already knew that.

“I know,” he said, and moved to stand protectively in front of her.

“Maybe it’s just Jess swinging by for a visit or something,” Sookie suggested.

It wasn’t completely out of the ordinary for that to happen on account of them being neighbors and all. Minus Jessica’s nasty habit of trying to get Sookie to reconsider her maker for a potential beau, Sookie enjoyed spending time with her ex’s progeny.

“It’s not Jess,” Alcide said with a growl.

“Can you smell who it is?” Sookie asked, leaving her keys dangling in the lock in case she needed to go back into the house.

“No, I see him,” he said, and in the next second the vampire in question was standing on the porch with them.

“Eric?” Sookie gasped in surprise. He had been missing since the day the vampires were liberated from that awful camp.

“Hello, Sookie,” Eric said with a smile.

“What do you want?” Alcide asked.

Sookie tugged on Alcide’s hand since there was no reason to be rude about the visit.

“What are you doing here?” Sookie asked in a much softer, kinder tone than Alcide used.

Eric looked down at their hands, and then smiled at Sookie once more.

“I just wanted to see how my favorite waitress was doing,” he said.

“She’s doing just fine now that you fuckin’ fangers are staying away from her,” Alcide practically barked.

“Alcide, I can speak for myself,” Sookie reminded him. She locked the door to the house, deposited her key in her bag and then stepped around Alcide to be face to face with Eric for the first time in months. “I’m doin’ alright, Eric. Thank you for askin’. How’ve you been?”

“I’ve been better, but I’m back,” he said. “Just got in, in fact.”

“And you came here first thing. Surprise, surprise,” Alcide growled. “Hun, we’re gonna be late.”

“Can you just give us a minute?” Sookie asked him, pleading with her eyes to give them some space.

“You so much as drop fang, and they’ll be pickin’ what’s left of you up with a sponge,” Alcide threatened before walking past Eric to go wait in his truck.

“So you’re happy now?” Eric asked.

Sookie smiled a little and said, “Most days. He uh… he’s protective after everything that’s happened.”

“What has happened?” he asked. “I’m afraid I’ve been out of the country.”

“Ah, so you don’t know that I was almost a faepire bride?” Sookie asked. “Just when I think my life couldn’t possibly get weirder, Warlow came along.”

“A faepire bride, huh? How did that come about?” Eric asked. “The last I knew Bill told me that you were protecting Warlow and wouldn’t let him help me save my sister.”

“I’m sorry about that,” Sookie’s smile faded. “I didn’t know she was sick. Warlow offered me a deal. He would agree to give Bill his blood to save the vampires if I agreed to be his fairy bride and then let him turn me we would always be together. Only you snatched up Adilyn and used her to get on the fairy plane yourself. Pretty sneaky.”

“Once again Bill proves to be untrustworthy. I don’t know if his blood would have saved her. I believed it strongly then. But I am happy to hear I inadvertently saved your life. It would be a shame to see you become a vampire.”

“Thank you for that, by the way,” she said, much the same as Eric had thanked her after he’d staked Russell outside the fairy club. “So my light hasn’t gone out then?”

“No,” he smiled. “It’s very much still there.”

For a minute they just looked at each other but then Alcide mentally broke into her thoughts by broadcasting her way. She jumped and then looked to the left to see him sitting impatiently behind the wheel of the truck. She held up her hand, asking for one more minute.

“Look, I have to get going, but I’m happy to hear you’re back,” Sookie said.

“Where are you two lovebirds off to anyway?”

“Well, Sam’s the mayor now,” Sookie revealed, and his eyebrow lifted curiously. “It’s a real long story, but he and Bill partnered up on a plan to help stop the spread of Hep-V. We all got tested earlier to see if we’re carriers and so there’s this town social thing goin’ on at Bellefleur’s to get the results from the blood tests. I haven’t been bitten since Warlow almost drained me in Fairy and his blood was the last I took when we– doesn’t matter. The point is, I know I don’t have it and I know Alcide doesn’t either. Bill and Sam want the humans who aren’t carriers to buddy up with healthy vampires.”

Eric raised eyebrow got a little higher at certain points of her story and then said, “How did the Hep-V spread? We destroyed all the cases of TruBlood from the camp.”

“Some had already made it out before that,” she said. “I think they pinpointed the outbreak startin’ in Hawaii if I heard right.”

“Shit,” he said, and pulled out his phone to send a text. “Do you mind if I accompany you to this soiree?”

“You can do whatever you’ve got a mind to,” Sookie said with a shrug. “I can’t promise I’ll be your buddy all night, though.”

“I don’t imagine your dog would like that either,” Eric grinned, and looked back at Alcide, giving him a cheeky wave.

“Be nice!” Sookie admonished and boldly smacked his arm as she passed him by. After descending the steps she turned to look up at Eric. “He’s been good to me, Eric. He keeps me safe and he’s been a good friend. I really can’t ask for anything more than that.”

Eric went down the steps quickly and leaned down to whisper near her ear, “The Sookie Stackhouse I remember didn’t need anyone to keep her safe.” He placed a small kiss on her cheek, and then shot up into the sky.

Sookie stood there stunned for a moment before she turned toward the truck. She knew Alcide’s eyes hadn’t left them for a heartbeat so he had seen Eric kiss her cheek and he had probably heard everything that was said if the red, angry swirls in his head were any indication. At that moment she was especially thankful she couldn’t hear him because she was sure he wasn’t thinking anything she wanted to know. Sookie walked over to the truck and climbed up onto the bench seat beside him.

“You heard everything, didn’t you?” she asked after she pulled the door shut.

“Yes,” he growled.

“He’s been out of the loop, Alcide. I haven’t seen him since the night Bill turned into Billith. The last I heard of him was after his sister got sick with Hep-V and the vampires needed to be rescued from that camp.”

“Where’s he been then?”

“I didn’t ask,” she replied with a shrug. “I didn’t ask and he didn’t say.”

“I don’t want him coming around,” he said. “I’ve never liked that asshole.”

You liked him enough to let him bail your father out of debt, Sookie thought, but kept it to herself. It would just start a fight if she brought all that up.

“Eric Northman has his pros and cons just like anyone else, and I don’t think you’ll need to worry about it. I’ve moved on and I’m sure he has too,” Sookie said as Alcide started the truck.

“Good.”

There was still some tension between them when they arrived at Bellefleur’s. After Arlene got the insurance money, she bought Merlotte’s from Sam. Having the bar gave her a steady source of income, the ability to be her own boss and something to focus on other than missing her husband. With Sam running for office he hardly had time to run the bar as well, so it happened to be a case of excellent timing for all concerned.

“There is one more thing,” Sookie said when Alcide parked the truck toward the far end of the lot so they wouldn’t get blocked in. She was sure Alcide had heard it when Eric asked, but she figured she might as well reiterate it so Alcide wouldn’t start thinking she was keeping things from him. “I think Eric’s plannin’ on puttin’ in an appearance here too.”

“I heard. He can stay away from us when he arrives.”

Sookie slid out of the truck and then walked around to take Alcide’s hand when he offered it to her.

“You know, you could try to be friends with him,” she suggested. “It would sure make my life easier if I wasn’t dealin’ with pissing contests right and left.”

“You know we just don’t get along with vamps. Especially not ones that used to have relationships with our women,” he said.

“It’s in the past, Alcide,” Sookie squeezed his hand as they walked along. “But if I’m bein’ honest, Eric’s still important to me. I don’t see a reason why he and I can’t be friendly with each other when we happen to cross paths.”

“As long as being friendly doesn’t include sex, I guess I’ll live with it.”

“It won’t. I don’t cheat,” she assured him, and tugged him down to kiss his scruffy cheek.

The space outside the bar was full of tables, food and just about everyone in town. Sookie spotted Tara talking to Willa off to the side. Jessica was near the stage, watching her vampire boyfriend James and his band play on the stage. Reverend Daniels and Lettie Mae were making their rounds. She noticed that Jason wasn’t there, but then his nights were usually pretty busy on account of Violet. The jury was still out on how Sookie felt about the vampire that had claimed her brother, but Jason seemed to be mostly happy with their living situation so Sookie kept her opinion to herself on the matter.

“Thirsty?” Sookie asked Alcide.

“Yeah, I could drink a beer or five.”

She smiled up at him and said, “You go find us a place to sit and I’ll get us drinks.”

“Okay,” he smiled back, and leaned down to give her a kiss before she went off to get the drinks.

Alcide really was a good guy deep down and she knew that he worried for her wellbeing. He had been around to see her at her lowest. She had thought it couldn’t get much worse than it had been in Jackson and boy was she ever wrong. Warlow was much worse than what Russell had thrown her way. There was an easy evolution in their relationship. Alcide being around after Terry died and the whole Warlow debacle had meant a great deal to her.

It had given them a chance to find their footing again as friends and without Debbie Pelt waiting in the wings to screw everything up or mess with Alcide’s head, he seemed to be thinking much clearer. He was totally focused on Sookie and not another girl waiting in the wings. The same could be said for Sookie since she had committed herself to giving up vampires for the time being. To her surprise, Bill had mostly stayed away from her over the last few months.

She supposed he had been too busy writing his memoirs from his time as a demigod, but it had allowed her to get the space she needed in order to think clearly and get all the vampire blood out of her system. She felt… free.

She hadn’t felt like that since before she met Bill on that fateful night inside the very bar she was standing outside of. Oh how things had changed since that night.

The girl in the white dress…

Sookie shook the words away and presumed it could very well be Eric approaching when she felt the void coming toward her, but when she turned her head Sookie was pleasantly surprised to see Tara.

“I didn’t think you’d show up for this,” Tara said.

“I wasn’t sure I was gonna, but I figured I might as well try to make nice,” Sookie replied with a shrug and reached into a giant bucket full of ice and longnecks.

“That makes two of us,” Tara said.

“Did you find a buddy yet?” Sookie asked as she popped the top off the bottle and took a sip. She still wasn’t much for drinking, especially in crowds, but it was a special occasion and a few sips wouldn’t hurt her.

“No,” Tara folded her arms. “Ain’t none of these greasy motherfuckers appealin’ to me at all.”

Sookie smiled and wished she could offer her oldest friend a beer so they could commiserate, but their days of unwinding with a cold one on a warm summer night were over.

“How’s it going with Alpo?” Tara asked.

“Alcide,” Sookie corrected. Tara really had fallen off the Northman tree.

“Same difference,” Tara shrugged.

“It’s goin’ alright. I’m surprised you’re here since I’m guessin’ Pam’s back in town too.”

“How the fuck did you know that?” Tara looked at her suspiciously.

“Eric stopped by the house as we were leavin’.”

“So that explains the grump on his face,” she nodded toward Alcide. He was sitting alone at a picnic table. “Or is that his default setting?”

“Where vampires are concerned, that’s his default settin’.”

“Fuckin’ werewolves,” Tara shook her head and then offered an apology.

“It’s alright. I’m done tryin’ to play peacemaker between y’all. I’m never gonna change his mind just like I’m sure I’ll never change a vampire’s.”

“That’s a safe fuckin’ bet.”

Sookie took another pull from the beer and then turned toward Tara. Their friendship had endured a lot, particularly over the last few years. The fact that Tara was even speaking to her was nothing short of a miracle and a testament to the kind of person she was underneath all of her bitterness, resentment and anger.

“Listen, Tara, I uh… I feel like I owe you an apology. I know I made a choice on your behalf that you never would have made for yourself and it was damn selfish of me. The most selfish thing I’ve ever done,” Sookie said. “I’m not sorry you’re still here but I am sorry that you didn’t get to choose this for yourself.”

“I was real fucked up then, Sook,” Tara said without looking at her old friend. “I think it’s fair to say I had a fuckin’ death wish. You’re my sister I would take that bullet for you a hundred times, but I was ready to die that night. I felt like I had fuck-all left to lose. It never crossed my mind in a million years you would ask that bitch to turn me.”

“I couldn’t let another person die because of me,” Sookie said softly, but knew Tara would hear her. “My parents, Gran, Sophie-Anne, even those awful Rattrays and Uncle Bartlett… all of ‘em died because of me. Maybe some of ‘em had it comin’ more than others did, but it was hard knowin’ that there was a body count with my name on it. I couldn’t bear the thought of you bein’ on that list.”

“You’re right I wouldn’t have chosen it for myself,” Tara said after a minute. “We both know I was fuckin’ livid at first, but I don’t feel like I’m a victim anymore. I got friends that understand me and what I’m goin’ through. Jessica, Willa, even Pam when she’s not being a grumpy bitch.”

“I’m glad, Tara. I’m happy you found a place where you feel like you fit,” Sookie said sincerely.

“What about you? You fit with the new guy?”

Sookie took another drink of the beer and said, “With him I can have all those things I dreamed about when we were kids, but deep down I didn’t think I’d ever get to have.”

“That’s good, Sook.” Tara turned toward Sookie. “You deserve to be happy too. Does that mean you’re done hookin’ up with vampires?”

“I don’t know,” Sookie said honestly. “For now it does. Alcide and I have only been seein’ each other a few months so it’s too soon to go around tellin’ people I’m off the market for good, but for right now I’m happy.”

Tara nodded and she was about to say something else when Lettie Mae approached.

“Tara?” she called out, getting both Tara’s and Sookie’s attention. “Tara Mae, can I talk to you a minute?”

“Come find me later. Maybe we can wow the townsfolk with that talent show dance that almost got us suspended,” Sookie said with a smile.

“You’re on, bitch,” Tara replied, and Sookie made her way through the crowd to bring Alcide the beer in her hand.

Alcide held his hand out to her and tugged Sookie down to sit on his lap. He took the beer from her and she leaned over to kiss his cheek.

“How’s your friend?” he asked, and sipped from the bottle.

“She’s doin’ better, I think,” Sookie replied, watching curiously as Tara followed her mother inside the bar. “I’m not so sure about her mama sniffin’ around her. Lettie Mae isn’t exactly known for her quality motherin’ skills.”

Sookie spotted Sam and his fiance, Nicole, dancing near the stage. She was set to pop in the next couple of months and made a cute pregnant girl. It was good to see Sam in a happy place. He seemed to enjoy being the mayor of Bon Temps, although she never thought she would see the day when Sam would partner up with Bill, of all people. Sookie still didn’t trust him and after the way he treated her when it came to Warlow, she wasn’t anxious to be anywhere near him.

She meant what she said when she called him a fuckin’ monster, but the conversation had been an eye opening one for her. It proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that any feelings he may have had for her were long gone and that he meant what he said in that room back in the Authority. Yet, there was one niggling thought that wouldn’t leave her alone and it was what fueled her in staying away from him as much as possible. It was something Bill would never admit out loud, but all evidence pointed to Sookie being correct.

Bill needed her a hell of a lot more than she needed him.

As soon as Sookie realized that, it became easier to distance herself from him. All of the lies, manipulations and betrayals were still fresh in her mind. At first after Warlow died, she found herself lying awake at night replaying scene after scene from her past, trying to figure out where it all went wrong. She replayed all of the conversations she had with Bill that had made her suspicious of him. The fact that she had ignored her instincts for so long where he was concerned was a real thorn in her side, but it made Sookie determined not to fall for that nonsense all over again.

No more vampire blood in her system. No more being anyone’s drinking fountain. She wasn’t interested in being anyone’s miracle like she had been in the eyes of both Bill and Warlow. All Sookie wanted was to be normal. She didn’t really want to be the answer to someone’s prayers–she didn’t want to be someone’s salvation. It put too much pressure on the relationship when it came time to sink or swim, and it seemed like she was the one who ended up doing all of the sacrificing to make it work.

What Sookie wanted, more than anything, was a partner.

As if on cue, Sookie turned her head to the left and spotted Eric. She watched as Willa ran to him, jumping into his open arms. For all of his brooding and sometimes iciness, Eric also had a warmth and a zest to him that was unparalleled. It was his will to live, his fight to survive any obstacle put before him that Sookie found herself attracted to the most. She watched the two vampires embrace and Eric say something to Willa she couldn’t hear.

“You hungry?” Alcide asked, breaking into her thoughts.

Sookie looked away from Eric and into the deep, dark eyes of her boyfriend. She could see his suspicion there and his discomfort with the knowledge that Eric was back in the picture. Sookie wanted to reassure him that he had nothing to worry about, that she wasn’t going to go back on her word where vampires were concerned, but knew it would most likely only give Alcide something more to worry about. She had said her piece already and continuing to deny there was anything going on would only make Alcide think she was only trying to convince herself.

“Starved,” Sookie replied and accepted the kiss he offered before standing her up.

Although she wanted to, Sookie forced herself not to look back at Eric. What she did do, however, was brush her fingers of the spot on her cheek where his lips had been.

Eric was back in more ways than she wanted to admit.

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