Chapter 22: Soul to Squeeze

Previous

“You’re so polite indeed. Well I got everything I need. Oh make my days a breeze, and take away my self-destruction. It’s bitter baby, and it’s very sweet. I’m on a rollercoaster, but I’m on my feet. Take me to the river, let me on your shore. I be coming back baby, I be coming back for more.” –Red Hot Chili Peppers

I stood there thinking my eyes had to be playing tricks on me. A lifetime of breathing airplane pollution had finally rotted my brain and I was hallucinating Eric’s presence. But then he took a step toward me and I took one back.

“What are you doing here?” I asked him.

“I came to apologize,” he said, quite sheepishly, and for good reason. “Can we talk?”

“I don’t know, Eric,” I shook my head. “I don’t know if there’s a point to it.”

“Yes there is. Please just hear me out.”

He looked almost desperate, which wasn’t something I was used to seeing on him. Eric wasn’t the most confident guy in the world sometimes, but he was never desperate. I dug my keys out of my jacket pocket and headed for the door with Sully at my side.

“Are you coming?” I asked over my shoulder when I paused in the doorway.

He nodded and followed me in. When we got to my door, Sully sniffed around Eric while I opened the door. I bent down and took off Sully’s leash and he went trotting into the house like he was king of the place, which I suppose he was. Once inside I pulled my coat off and hung it in the closet. Eric did the same, and I wasn’t sure how I felt about that.

“So talk,” I said and parked myself in a chair because I knew if I let him touch me I would lose control of myself and just sob all over him.

“I’m sorry for the way I reacted to you telling me you love me, and I’m sorry for the way I’ve behaved since,” he said, standing in front of me like a scolded child.

“Is that it?” I refused to look up at him.

“No,” he said, and started pacing. “I went to visit Tara, JB, and the babies a couple of times. Those babies are just… I want to be a father, Sookie. And I don’t just mean that in the way that if we have an oops I’d be okay with it. I mean that someday, whether I’m with you or not, I’d like to have children. I needed you to know that.”

“Anything else?” I asked weakly.

“When you told me you love me, I panicked. Inside I was actually happy for a moment, and then I started freaking out because I was afraid you’d be pissed when I couldn’t say it back. I love you as my best friend, but I’m not in love with you, yet. I hope, for the first time in my life, that I’ll be able to fall in love. Sookie… please just tell me you’ll still wait for it to happen to me. Tell me we’re not done.”

For once I didn’t bother trying to mask how I felt. I didn’t hold back because he needed to know how badly he’d hurt me, and the damage he had done. So when the tears came I finally looked up at him. He winced, as I expected he would, and hung his head in defeat.

“I don’t understand how you can tell me that I’m your best friend when you treated me the way you did,” my voice cracked several times as I spoke through my tears. “I could never, ever, treat you that way, Eric. I could never walk out on you the way you did with me. You got angry with me for not being honest but when when I was, look how you handled it.

“That moment should have been… I agonized for weeks over what to say to you, or how to say it. I knew you were going to freak out on me, and that’s why I kept it to myself. Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to carry that alone? I wanted to be able to say that I love you any time I wanted, for any reason or no reason at all. But I knew you would feel this insane pressure to say it back and I don’t ever want you to tell me you love me if you don’t. That’s not fair to me, or to you.

“This entire week has given me a lot of time to think about whether or not I want to keep seeing you. I’ve thought seriously about cutting my losses and moving on because you’re obviously not ready for the things I am, and it’s not fair of me to make demands of you…” I trailed off and wiped away some of the tears that had run down my cheeks.

Eric got down on his knees in front of me, and I was surprised to see tears in his eyes. He wasn’t a crier, he never had been.

“I’m sorry,” he said, his own voice cracking. “I shouldn’t have walked away like that, and I shouldn’t have avoided you. I care for you so much more than I’ve ever cared for anyone in my life, and I don’t want to be the reason you cry. I want you to be able to tell me how you feel, and I want to be okay with it. I’m going to try, I promise, but you have to give me the chance.”

“Tara says that I shouldn’t give up on you,” I pulled my knees to my chest because I didn’t want him to try and hug me. I wasn’t ready for that yet. “But I can’t help thinking that six months, or even a year from now, we’re still going to be in this same place. You want to feel a certain way about me, but you don’t, and you might never get there. There’s a part of me that says letting go now would be better. I have been miserable this past week without you. I didn’t realize how big of a space you filled until it was empty, and I miss you. And I hate that I miss you. I hate that I have no choice but to miss you because you just disappeared.”

“You have to put a little faith in me, sweetheart. Please. I’ve never been in love before. I’m not sure what it feels like. All I know is that for this last week I didn’t want to get out of bed every day. I didn’t want to eat, or shower. Food didn’t taste the same. I couldn’t sleep. I was so miserable, and it was all because you weren’t there, and I knew it was my own damn fault. You told me that I can’t shut things out or I’ll never experience the good. What if in six months I am in love with you? What if, in a year, we’re expecting a baby, or engaged to be married? Neither of us can say where we’ll be, but we have to take a leap or we’re never going to find out.”

I couldn’t hold back anymore and I let my head fall against my knees, and I sobbed. I was so confused about what to do. On the one hand, I was so hurt and afraid that this was just the beginning of a cycle we would fall into, and I would have to go through this over and over. On the other hand, I wanted to throw caution to the wind because I knew, deep down, that this would be the relationship I would never truly get over. If it ended, a large part of me would go with it and I would never get it back.

Eric put his hands on my arms and I lifted my head slowly. I’m sure I was a disgusting mess from all the snot sobbing I was doing, but he didn’t seem to care. I squeezed my eyes closed for a few seconds before I finally found enough of my voice to speak.

“If you ever do this to me again, we’re done. No more dating, no more friendship… it’ll be over,” I said in a harsh tone so he knew I was serious.

“Okay,” he said. “Understood.”

“And it’s okay that you don’t love me back. Yes, it hurts to hear that you don’t, but you need to figure that out in your own time and I don’t want you to say it because you feel obligated. I will try to be patient with you because I think you’re worth waiting for, but I also need you to be patient with me if I get a little ahead of myself. Can you do that?” I asked him and wiped my face with the sleeve of my sweater.

“Yes, of course I can,” he said, smiling through his own teary eyes. “Can I hold you now?”

I reached out and wiped his face with my other sleeve while putting my legs back down, and then nodded, “Yes you can.”

He quickly sat up and pulled me into his arms tightly. “The thought of losing you scares the shit out of me.”

“And you almost threw me away,” I whispered.

“I know. I won’t do it again.”

“If you do, it’ll be the last time. I’m serious about this,” I wrapped my arms around his chest.

“I know you are. I won’t. I don’t want to feel like that ever again.”

“Me either,” I bit my bottom lip without realizing I was even doing it.

“I don’t want to sound presumptuous, but can we please go snuggle?” he asked.

I thought it over for a moment but in the end it was my exhaustion that won over. Like him, I hadn’t slept very well and I knew I would sleep better with him next to me. “No boob grabbing,” I warned him.

“I promise not to touch you inappropriately.” I could hear the smile in his voice even though I couldn’t see his face.

We lingered there for a moment before I got up off the chair and led the way down the hall to my bedroom. It was a mess, and by that I mean messier than usual. I just didn’t give a shit. There were dirty clothes on the floor, my bed was unmade, as per usual, and the room just reeked of sadness for me. Stupid boy drama. I fell into bed and scooted over to make room for Eric.

“I missed this,” I said quietly once he was spooned up behind me, his arm loosely draped over my side.

“Me too. Please don’t be offended if I fall asleep quickly,” he said.

“I won’t,” I pulled his arm a little tighter around me and yawned. I was wiped out all of a sudden.

“Thank you, Sookie,” he whispered.

“For what?”

“For giving me another chance.”

“You’re welcome. Just don’t make me regret it,” I lifted his hand and kissed his palm.

It didn’t take long for either of us to fall asleep, and when I woke up it was because my stomach was growling pretty fiercely. The supermodel diet plan I had adopted in the last week was taking its toll on me. I didn’t have the heart to wake Eric, but when I tried to lift his arm to get out of bed, he pulled me back.

“Eric,” I whispered.

“Not yet,” he grumbled.

“I’m starving. I need to go eat something,” I told him, wondering why food couldn’t just cook itself.

“Let’s just order in.”

“But I’m hungry now. It’ll take at least an hour for anything to get here,” I admit that I whined.

“I can distract you until it does,” he offered.

The arm that was draped over me lifted and moved my hair out of the way. I felt his breath on my neck for a fraction of a second before I felt his lips there. I shivered from it, and seriously considered letting him distract me any way he wanted, but I wasn’t sure I was ready for that yet. The cracks in my heart were still mending.

“Eric,” I moved away from him, “you promised.”

“Not even just kissing?”

“I want to but I can’t. Not yet. I know us, and I know if I kiss you it won’t stop there and I just can’t go there yet,” I sat up and he was doing his best not to pout.

“Alright, how about this? I’ll go order food, and then we pick up your room.”

“You go order food and I’ll clean up my own mess,” I got out of bed and padded over to the bathroom. I paused in the doorway and then turned to tell him, “That nap was the best sleep I got all week.”

“Ditto,” he smiled at me. “But I’m still helping you clean up. It’s my fault you’re being messier than usual.”

“Just go take care of the food,” I said and closed the bathroom door.

I did what I needed to do in the bathroom and I heard Eric’s voice elsewhere in the condo. When I came out of the bathroom he was stripping the sheets off my bed. Without a word I started to pick up the dirty clothes that were scattered all over the floor. I put them in the hamper while Eric went to start the washer.

“Shit. Eric, my washer is still down!” I called from my bedroom. I hadn’t replaced it yet.

“It’s okay, we’ll just get your laundry together and take it to my place after we eat.”

“Are you sure you want my clutter all over your house?” I asked him as I pulled my hamper out of the closet.

“I’m sure,” he insisted. “I’d rather have you and your clutter there than no you at all.”

I smiled and suggested, “Well then why not call the restaurant back and make it up a pick up and we’ll get it on the way to your house?”

“Alright, sounds good. I’ll get Sully too,” he said, and left the room again to call the restaurant back.

I got my laundry together and within ten minutes we were out the door. I had no idea where we were going but we went past where we should have turned for Eric’s house. It wasn’t until we turned onto Wise Road that I knew where we were headed, and that earned him some serious boyfriend points.

“If we’re going where I think we are, please tell me you got me garlic mashed instead of fries,” I couldn’t help but grin.

“We are, and I did,” he smiled.

“That may have earned you kissing privileges.”

“I like the sound of that.”

We pulled up to the Village Tavern and Grill a few seconds later and I waited in the car while Eric went in to get the food. It was a good thing he went because I looked like hell. As soon as he got back to the car I was overwhelmed with the smell of their chicken fingers. My mouth was watering before he even had the door closed.

“Please don’t be offended if I have multiple foodgasms in your presence,” I said as he backed the car out of the space he’d parked in.

“That might make the kissing difficult later,” he chuckled.

“I would think it’d make it easier,” I snickered and then leaned down to sniff the bag, the food was that good.

“Well of course it will, but the difficult part will be keeping from doing anything more.”

“Oh,” I blushed a little. “We’ll see what happens.”

“I’ll wait as long as it takes, sweetheart,” he said, reaching over to take my hand.

“I know you will,” I smiled at him as he lifted my hand to kiss the back of it.

“Don’t even think about eating any of that until we get to my place,” he warned. “I ordered a lot.”

“Good. I’m starving. I can’t even remember the last time I ate a real meal,” I shook my head. My last attempt at food had been a bagel that morning, but it tasted like cardboard so I threw it outside for the birds and whatever other little creatures might like it.

“Same here. Laff kept trying to feed me at work, but his food tasted so awful all of a sudden.”

“Fighting with you is no good for me, Northman. It doesn’t agree with me the way it used to,” I squeezed his hand.

“Can we make a pact to never fight again?”

“We could, but I’m sure we’d break it at some point. Unfortunately it’s part of the relationship package. If you stay together long enough and you’re honest with each other, you’re going to fight,” I rested my head against the back of the seat. “I think the more important thing is how you cope with it, and whether or not you really settle what you’re fighting over.”

“I think we’ll be fine if we stay honest with each other. We just… can’t have another fight like that one.”

“Hopefully that won’t happen again,” I agreed.

I closed my eyes and breathed deeply. I was surrounded by the smells of delicious food and Eric. My mind started replaying the things he had said to me before our nap, and the word ‘engaged’ suddenly started repeating itself over and over in my mind. I didn’t want to read too much into it, but I wondered if Eric had given any thought to marriage since he’d hopped on the baby bandwagon. Then I found myself wondering if I would be pressing my luck by asking him about it.

I decided to wait until he had a full stomach before whacking him upside the head with anymore big stuff.

“I feel like I should warn you that there is a distinct possibility that I might eat and then pass out on your couch,” I said as we pulled into the driveway, and then the garage.

“And I might pick you up and put you in my bed.”

“I might like that,” I smiled at him and then got out of the car.

Eric got Sully out, and came in after me. “We’ll get your laundry out after we eat.”

“I was thinking the same thing. It would be a shame to let this get cold,” I walked into the kitchen and set the bag on the counter while I went for plates.

Eric started pulling food from the bag and set it out on the table. “What do you want to drink?”

“What do you have?” I leaned against the counter.

“Um…” he turned to look at me, embarrassed. “I, ah, haven’t done much shopping, so I think all I have is tap water.”

“Then tap water it is,” I reached into a cabinet for glasses, “and tomorrow we go grocery shopping.”

“Sounds perfect.”

With our plates filled we went to the living room and made ourselves comfortable. Like the little beggar he was, Sully set up shop in front of the couch in hopes that one of us would get lazy or forget the no people food rule. True to my word, the moans began with the first bite of chicken I had.

“I missed that noise,” Eric grinned at me.

“Prepare to hear it a lot,” I said after I swallowed, and then took another bite of my chicken. “This is so good.”

“Glad I made the right choice.”

“So am I,” I dug into my mashed potatoes and the moans only got louder. I didn’t even care that Eric was starting to shift slightly beside me.

“If you’re doing that on purpose…”

“It’s completely involuntary.” Mostly.

“Uh huh.”

‘You don’t believe me?” I set my plate on the coffee table.

“I believe it’s mostly the food, but partially the fact that you haven’t gotten any in a while.”

“Maybe,” I relented and picked up a chicken finger to keep me from saying anything else.

“It’s okay. I deserve the teasing.”

“I’ll tone it down,” I said when I swallowed.

When we were finished eating Eric helped me haul my laundry inside. He let Sully out while I got the first load into the washer, and was looking over his DVD collection when I found him in the living room. I snuck up behind him and reached to grab a movie off the shelf that I had never noticed was there before.

“Um, Eric, why do you have a copy of Moulin Rouge?” I lifted an eyebrow.

“Oh that, that must be Isabel’s,” he said, snatching it from me. “Better throw it away.”

“Isabel’s, huh?” I didn’t buy that shit for a second.

“Yeah, she liked cheesy, stupid movies.”

“Not unlike your love of Disney films, right?”

“I don’t… Look, we should just pick a funny movie,” he said, turning back to the shelf.

“Oooh I think I touched a nerve,” I leaned against the shelves.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Uh huh,” I smirked and started to hum ‘Seventy Six Trombones’ as I looked at the shelves in front of me.

“What are you doing? What do you know?” he sounded way too paranoid.

“Nothing,” I smiled and knelt down to look at a lower shelf.

He eyed me suspiciously and went to sit on the couch, where I noticed he took Moulin Rouge with him and stuffed it between the couch cushions. “You can pick the movie tonight.”

“I think I want to watch the movie you’re trying to hide,” I folded my arms over my chest.

“What?”

“You heard me. That movie you said you were going to throw away, but then stashed between the cushions? I want to watch it,” I took a few steps closer to him and held out my hand.

He sat there, looking up at me like a lost puppy. “But Sookie, I hate it so much.”

“So much that you’re guarding it, quite literally, with your ass.”

“Please don’t make me watch this. I hate musicals.”

I narrowed my eyes at him. He was so full of shit.

“Okay, then throw it away. Right now. If you hate musicals then there is no reason for that DVD to be wedged in the couch,” I challenged.

“Alright, I will,” he said. He dug the movie out of the couch, and took it to the kitchen where he tossed it into the trash can. “See?”

“Mmhmmm,” I reached into the garbage, opened the case, took out the DVD and was about to crack it in half when he stopped me.

“No!”

“What?”

“Just give me the movie,” he said, snatching the DVD from my hands. He put the disc back in the case, and took it back into the living room to add to the shelf again.

“Okay, what was that?” I asked with an amused smile on my face. I knew, but I wanted to hear him say it.

“It’s time you knew something about me,” he said.

“I’m listening.”

“I love musicals.”

I grinned and said, “I know.”

“You know?”

“Uh, yeah,” I giggled.

“How?”

I doubled over laughing, which I’m sure only frustrated him more. I collapsed on the couch and explained, “That first morning in Mexico when I woke up you were in the shower. You were singing a song from The King and I.”

“Oh Jesus,” he muttered, covering his face with one hand. “I’m so sorry you had to hear that.”

“Awww it was cute! And I’ve had fun taunting you with it ever since,” I said and dissolved into giggles again.

“So those times when you were breaking into song, you were just fucking with me?” he asked with that adorable pout that I loved.

‘Yep, and I’m not even sorry,” I fell to my side and laughed. “After hearing you sing that song from Rocky Horror Picture Show… God, I almost peed my pants,” I horribly sang a few bars from ‘Touch-a, Touch-a, Touch Me.’

“Oh my God you heard that?”

“Obviously,” I clutched my sides. I had tears in my eyes again, but for a good reason.

“Sookie, you have to keep this a secret, okay? You have to.”

“Mmm… it’ll cost you,” I looked over at him and wiped my eyes.

“Cost me what?”

“I don’t know yet,” I stretched out on the couch. “I’ll get back to you.”

“Sweetheart,” he said, and I knew it was on purpose that time. “Please, please do this for me.”

“Why is it so important to you that this stays secret?” There had to be a good reason for it, other than he was worried about looking like a sissy.

“Pam. Pam can never find out. I’m literally scared of her finding this out.”

“That’s it? Just Pam?”

“And everyone else, but she’s the one I’m afraid of. I will literally never live it down. There is nothing wrong with a grown man who likes musicals!”

“I didn’t say there was! I told you I thought it was cute,” I reminded him and started to hum ‘Hard Knock Life’ from Annie. He was not amused.

“Sookie!”

I burst out laughing again, but apparently Eric had had enough of my teasing because the next thing I knew he was on top of me, completely serious.

“Oh come on, Eric! It’s just you and me right now, unless you count Sully, but I’m pretty sure he won’t give you away,” I grinned up at him.

“Okay, but don’t talk about it in front of anyone else. And for all that teasing, I think I should get to kiss you right now.”

“And because you lied to me, albeit badly, I get to pick where,” I stared up into his eyes.

“Where I get to kiss you?

“Yes.”

“Okay, pick.”

“Now, the minx in me wants to tease to you more and say my cheek, but…” I said as my legs moved up and wrapped around his hips.

“But…”

“But my lips miss you,” I told him.

“Do they?”

“Mmhmm,” I nodded slightly.

“Then perhaps I should reacquaint myself with them,” he smiled, then slowly lowered his lips to mine.

“I love you,” I whispered a split second before his lips touched mine, and it felt good to say it to him again and not have him go running the other way. I was, however, surprised when Eric kept the kiss rather short and sweet, but I wasn’t disappointed.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Anything,” I reached up and brushed his hair away from his face.

“What does it feel like to be in love with someone?”

I bit my lip and closed my eyes, trying to find the right words. “For me it feels like… when I think about you, I smile to myself. I want to tell you everything, no matter how stupid or unimportant it might be. I feel better when I’m with you, and I miss you when you’re somewhere else. You drive me crazy and keep me calm at the same time, and there are dozens of other paradoxes just like it that never cease to amaze me. I guess that’s the easiest way to describe it.”

His brow furrowed for a moment, and I had to wonder if he was thinking that I had just described how he felt for me. I also wondered for a second if I should bring up what I heard him say in his sleep.

“And all that means you’re in love with me?”

“It’s what tells me that I am, but love itself… Eric I don’t know how to describe what it feels like. It’s just there. When you feel it, you know. I wish I could be more specific than that.”

I grabbed his face then and kissed him the way I did when I pulled him into his office on St. Patrick’s Day. When I let him go, he hovered over me with a hint of understanding in his eyes.

“Okay,” he said simply. “When I know, I’ll know.”

“I didn’t see it coming. When I figured it out I was sitting in that booth, watching you behind the bar. All of a sudden you looked at me and you smiled, and there it was. Out of nowhere it just exploded in my head and I knew,” I explained.

“I’m glad you told me,” he said. “I just needed to know that there wasn’t some kind of criteria that needed to be met or something.”

“Nope, it just happens. For some people it’s immediate and for others it takes years. There’s no guaranteed timeline, or checklist of things that need to happen in order for you to feel love for someone. Either it happens or it doesn’t.”

“You know what?” he asked.

“What?” I shifted a little underneath him.

“I think you and I should get away together this weekend.”

“What?” My eyes widened. “Eric, I… I don’t know if…”

“I’ll say I’m going out of town for something, and you can too. We’ll go get a room somewhere. It’ll give us time to recharge our batteries and reconnect with each other.”

I thought about it for all of five seconds before I said, “Okay, let’s do it.”

“Really?” he asked, his face lighting up.

“Yeah, I think it might be good for us, and I know I wouldn’t mind a change of scenery. Going to Mexico got me thinking about how much of the world I’m not seeing. The farthest away I’d ever traveled before that was northern Wisconsin,” I told him.

“I’ll take you anywhere you want to go,” he smiled. “Maybe someday we can go to Europe together.”

“That would be nice,” I smiled, “but we should probably stay a little closer to home if we’re just going for the weekend.”

“Well this time, yes,” he laughed. “But I’d take you to Europe. It would have to be after we come out to our friends.”

“For starters. I can’t even buy a new washing machine right now so there’s no way I can swing a swanky trip to Europe,” I said and covered his lips when he opened his mouth to speak. “And before you even think about it, there’s no way you’re paying for the whole thing.”

“We could split it. I could pay for the hotels, food, all the gifts and travel, and you could buy the plane tickets. Only you can’t argue when I upgrade to first class.”

“Of course not. You need the extra leg room,” I rolled my eyes.

“Hey, it’s a long ass flight across the ocean. Do you want me to have leg cramps?”

“I’m sure you’d figure out a way for me to rub them right out of you,” I snickered.

“I’m sure I would too.”

“You’re so predictable.”

“You like it.”

“It does make life easier a lot of the time,” I agreed.

“We really need to get your laundry done.”

“Trying to rush me out of here already?” I teased and pushed him off of me.

“Nope, I just need something to distract me.”

“Distract you from what?” I lifted an eyebrow. “Oh, do you want some time alone with that Moulin Rouge DVD? Reassure it that it’s safe…”

“No,” he glared. “I just meant a distraction so that I can get control of myself.”

I giggled and said, “You’re adorable.”

Eric sat there with a little bit of a pout on his face while I went to the garage to get my laundry out of the trunk of his car. I got a load going in the washer and found Eric stretched out on the couch. I climbed over the back of it and landed right on top of him.

“Get control of yourself yet?”

“Yes, I had, until you decided to drop in on me.”

“Want me to move?” I started to sit up.

“Nope,” he said, and his arms went around me. “I’ll be fine.”

“Maybe I should go find us a movie to watch,” I suggested.

“That sounds good,” he smiled. “You can pick it out.”

“So you said before, but when I picked you got touchy about it,” I climbed off of him and went over to what was safe to call a wall of DVDs. “You said you wanted comedy, right?”

“Yup, and you can pick whatever you want, just don’t make fun of me.”

“When did I make fun of you? I told you I think it’s cute that you like musicals!” I shook my head. “You need more Adam Sandler in your collection.”

“Why?”

“Because Adam Sandler is funny, and because I’ve seen his movies about a hundred times which allows for me to get distracted with other things, whether it be laundry that needs folding, or a boyfriend who starts getting grabby hands that I don’t feel like slapping away.”

“But you said I wasn’t allowed grabby hands right now.”

“I may change my mind,” I shrugged, and then spotted a copy of Ace Ventura: Pet Detective. Perfect. “Ah ha! We have a winner!”

“What is it?” he asked, sitting up on the couch.

“Ace Ventura,” I grinned and held up the DVD. “I haven’t seen this movie in ages.”

“I love that movie,” he smiled. “I used to make my ass talk.”

“And you stopped?” I grinned. “I’m going to need to see that at some point.”

I turned and went to the DVD player to load the movie. Sully was pacing by the sliding door so I opened it to let him out. It was finally warm enough that he could stay out for a while if he wanted to, as long as I made sure he was in the house for the night. I turned back toward the couch and sat at the far end of it.

“When you said the weekend did you mean just Saturday and Sunday, or did you mean a long weekend?” I asked as the DVD started up.

“A long one if you can swing it.”

“I could probably take Monday and Tuesday off. It would be easy to say that I have to travel for work since we’ve got a few new stores opening in New Jersey,” I told him.

“Perfect,” he grinned, then shifted so he was laying with his head in my lap. “I’m glad we’re doing this.”

“Me too. I think it’ll be fun. Got any idea where you want to go?” I gently pulled my fingers through his hair.

“I’ll let you pick. My only request is someplace quiet. I just want to be alone with you. And we can take Sully if you want.”

“If it was warmer I’d make you go camping,” I snorted at the idea of Eric roughing it for four days out in the middle of nowhere. The thing I’d miss most was my coffee maker.

“Yeah, that’s never going to happen.”

“I bet I could persuade you.”

“If there was a camper, and you promised ‘smores and sex, I would do it.”

“Camper, shmamper. I’m talking sleeping bags in tents, but of course there would be ‘smores and sex,” I tried not to laugh at the smile that spread on his face.

“Sex in a sleeping bag, on the ground, does not sound fun,” he pouted.

“You’d be surprised,” I said and then cringed. I really needed to work on that brain filter thing.

“Oh? Have you done this?”

“I have,” I admitted since there wasn’t really a way to back out of it.

“With?”

“Do you really want to know?”

“Yes.”

“Preston. It was after Alcide and I broke up after high school.”

“Oh… So he was number two?”

“Yep,” I said and tried to ignore the slightly awkward vibe I was feeling.

“How long were you two together?”

“Not long. It was more of a fling than anything else. I was still rebounding from the breakup, and Preston was a nice distraction. It was never anything too deep or serious,” I explained.

“Gotcha,” he said, and took a deep breath.

“What?”

“It’s just… I don’t know how to explain it,” he said, then shifted so he was looking up at me from my lap.

“Explain what?” I looked down at him curiously.

“What I’m feeling.”

“Does it bother you that you aren’t the only guy I’ve ever slept with?” I asked since it seemed like the logical explanation for his feelings.

“No, that’s not it. I’m not that possessive. I guess I just feel like, in a way, you’re my first.”

“Oh…” I trailed off, but then asked, “how is that possible?”

“Not in a sexual way, in a feelings way. I feel like since you’ve been in love before me, that you could just fall in love again after me. But it’s different for me because I’ve never been in love.”

“Eric, I’ve only been in love twice, and one of them is you,” I told him, hoping that would settle him a little.

“Wait, really?” he asked, and sat up again.

“Yes, really. Love is pretty rare and I’m a selective girl. Why do you think so many guys never made it past the first date?”

“I just assumed that since you’ve only been with eight guys that you’ve been in love with more than just Alcide and me.”

“Nope, you’re part of an elite bunch now. Well, technically, you made it a bunch. Does two qualify as a bunch?”

“Nope, two qualifies as a couple,” he smiled. “Would it be stupid for me to ask who you love more?”

“It wouldn’t be stupid, but I don’t know if I can answer that question. The reasons why I love you and the reasons why I loved him are different. Love is different with each person you feel it for.”

His brow furrowed, and he rested his head on the back of the couch. “I really am happy that you love me, Sook,” he said, then looked at me. “It makes me feel really, really happy to know that someone cares about me that much.”

“None of your former… I mean none of the other girls ever felt that way about you?”

“A couple of them said it, and that was usually when I took off in the other direction, but they didn’t mean it. I know that now more than ever.”

“How can you be sure they didn’t mean it? And what’s so different about me that you’re not running?” I felt like I had a right to know what it was about me that made me special from the others. He owed me after taking off like he did.

“I know it because none of them know me like you do, and I know it because they never kissed me like you, or look at me like you. And I’m not running from you because for the first time, I want to feel it too. I want to be in love with you, and be with you for a long time. I can picture my future and see you in it, living with me, marrying me, making babies with me, then actually having babies with me,” he smiled. “I want those things now. With you.”

Did he just tell me he wants to marry me? My breath caught a little at the thought of it, but I tried to play it off by smiling at him. “You’re sure that’s what you want now?”

“It’s definitely what I see now, and it doesn’t scare me.”

I looked into his eyes and I knew he was telling me the truth. My eyes welled without my permission and the next thing I knew, I was crying again.

“Shit, what did I say wrong?” he asked as he scrambled for tissues and handed them to me.

“Nothing,” I said and took one of the tissues. “I’m happy. I can’t help but feel like I accomplished the impossible, or something.”

He laughed and said, “I think you did.”

“There should be a prize for something like this. Like a trophy or a ribbon,” I snickered and wiped the stupid tears off my face.

“Or maybe a kiss?”

“I think that’s acceptable,” I nodded and leaned closer to him.

“Good,” he grinned, and closed the distance.

Next